Thoughts That Every Woman Has During Her First Massage in Thailand

Thoughts That Every Woman Has During Her First Massage in Thailand

If you’re lucky enough to have been to Thailand, or plan on going to Thailand, then this post is for you. There are a multitude of incredible things that Thailand has to offer, but one of the best things is definitely being able to get an hour long, full body massage for $5 or less. However, if it’s your first massage in Thailand, then the process can actually be fairly terrifying…

Before Getting Your First Massage in Thailand

“I’m so excited for my massage! It’s going to be so relaxing, I can’t wait to feel like a jellyfish afterwards!”

“Should I pee beforehand? I don’t feel like I need a pee, but what if I start to need a pee in the middle of my massage? What if I am so relaxed that I pee myself?”

“Hmm, my masseuse is tiny, she could probably fit in my suitcase. Is she going to be daunted by my gigantic limbs?”

“OK, time to take off my clothes *starts playing sexy strip music in head*”.

“How much of my clothes am I supposed to take off? Full frontal? Semi nude? Can I keep my knickers on?”

“OK, knickers on, everything else off. HI HERE ARE MY BOOBS NICE TO MEET YOU.”

“My masseuse doesn’t speak English, how can I communicate to her that I have never had a massage before? I am just aimlessly chatting and she probably thinks that I am totally crazy.”

During Your First Massage in Thailand

“I don’t know how long I can lie with my neck cricked this way.”

“Oh god, she’s starting at my feet. Do they smell? They probably stink, poor woman.”

“Ahhh this is the life, a foot massage is the perf-HOLY CRAP DID SHE JUST YANK MY TOE UNTIL IT CRACKED? AAH YES SHE DID, WHAT IS THIS TORTURE PLEASE STOP!”

“Um is she massaging my butt? I definitely should have worn granny pants, who knows what’s poking out? Oh. It doesn’t matter, she’s pulled them down anyway…”

“I was so wrong about this tiny woman she has the strength of superman!”

“… zzz… zzz… zzz…”

“OK! Time to roll over! Say hello to my boobs, again!”

“Gulp, I don’t think she meant to knuckle graze me there.”

“OK are you seriously massaging my boobs? This is… weirdly enjoyable.”

“HurrrrggguuuhhhhheadmassagesarethebestthingintheworldhowhaveInevermademyboyfriend/girlfrienddothistomeeeee”

After Your First Massage in Thailand

“No. NO. I refuse to believe that my hour is up! Please don’t stop, stay with my forever! We have a connection! Come back!”

“I cannot believe that only cost me $5!”

“I feel good, but not as jellyfish-like as I would have imagined, perhaps I should go for another one, an hour just isn’t enough.”

So, how do you relate? Have you experienced a massage in Thailand? How was your first massage in Thailand? Did you have any bizarre experiences? Let me know!

Post-massage slump

Post-massage slump

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5 Comments

  1. I haven’t been to Thailand yet but I will sure as hell get a massage when I’m there!! Such a funny post, thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Make the most of it and get one every few days! It’s worth it!

      Reply
  2. Hi! I’m visiting Thailand in October and massage is the top of my list! Are there any places you would recommend?

    Reply
    • Places to visit or places to get a massage? There are hundreds of places to get a massage, but be wary of the bigger, touristy ones. I advise exploring a bit more down smaller streets: the best one I ever had was from a tiny old lady in a one room house down a back street of Chiang Mai. She was great!

      Reply
      • I only just found this reply, sorry! We are in Thailand at the moment and read quite a lot about the women’s correctional facility massage so had to try that out. It was good! I’m going to need to explore some hidden alley ways though 🙂

        Reply

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